It seems as though every time I go to the dr there is more disappointing news. I hear the same things…you are only ovulating on the right side (sorry I don’t have a tube there so we can’t do anything), you have a cyst (sorry we can’t do anything until the cyst is gone), and so on. I try to be patient, I try to have faith, I try to stay positive, but in the end…I still get bad news.
Last weekend, we went again to the dr. Hooray! The cyst was gone. Hooray! I can start a new treatment plan…shots. Phil and I are okay with that. We are okay with twins, we just want a baby. The shots weren’t bad…I survived. The side effects weren’t bad…I can do this.
I go to get checked on today and of course my dr isn’t there. Some stupid physicians assistant is there who doesn’t know me from Adam. She doesn’t know my past, she doesn’t know what we have gone through, she doesn’t know the heartache and doesn’t seem to care. Low and behold…I am ovulating on the wrong side…AGAIN! There were two very small ones on the left (the correct side) but nothing will come of them. So…here I am, another failed month, another month that I can sit and worry that a cyst will form and if one does, then another failed month after that.
I look around at people with their kids and think it isn’t fair. Why can’t this be us? Why can’t we have the one thing that we want more than anything? Teenagers get pregnant like it is nobodys business. People who don’t want kids get pregnant like it is nobodys business…and yet…we have been trying for two years, forking over thousands of dollars to get help and my body won’t cooperate.
How can you stay positive and keep up the hope when so much seems to be working against you? This was supposed to be our month…we started on “Labor” day…